Dieter's Blog

2002-05-05T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's now been a month since I've written here. It's been difficult keeping up a regular journal, several jobs, an exercise program and diet, and a blog! But the diet is going very well. I've now lost 47 lbs, feel good on the diet, am riding my bike regularly (and loving it!) and just feeling good about life in general.

2002-03-17T17:14:00.000-08:00

Wow--I haven't added to this in nearly a week. I guess I've been too busy DOING it to write about it. The big news is that I bought a bicycle yesterday and plan to start riding it regularly. Of course, my first attempts were not exactly spectacular. LOL. But I'll get better.

I'm concerned about my eating habits, especially during those "dangerous times of day" when I look for junk food. This is a perennial problem. I'm sticking with the diet, not going over my points, but I'm really working at making the points more nutritious and less "snack-y." Not always successful.

Today I bought a bag of edamami (frozen soy beans), which I do love at sushi places, and I hope to use those for snack tomorrow and see if that helps. I also need to remember to stock up on tomato juice and V-8 juice. Those are both great, filling, and no points. If I can just take the edge off the brain hunger with something like a nice thick juice, the graham crackers, non-fat potato chips, and skinny cows don't call to me quite as loudly.

I also discovered something else wonderful: balsamic vinegar. I'd known about it, of course, but I saw some recipe on a TV show this week, where the cook cooked sliced onions in balsamic vinegar and put it on a fugazi bread for a sandwich with a bunch of other stuff. I lit up at the idea of the onions in balsamic. So for dinner the other night (I'd had a chicken caesar salad at Strings and was afraid I was pushing it for points and went vegetarian for dinner), I had half a pita, stuffed with a mixture of onions and red peppers sauteed in balsamic, and then topped with shredded carrots. That was very yummy. I used the other half of the pita for pepper hummus and diced tomatoes and then served boiled zucchini as a side dish. The whole thing was a whopping 3 points!

2002-03-12T16:11:00.000-08:00

Well, the results of my labs came back today. I'm definitely headed in the right direction. The glucose is still up, but much lower than last time.

Last time my cholesterol was 215 with HDL 39 and LDL 148
Now it's 166 with HDL 42 and LDL 102

The doctor wrote "excellent cholesterol." Nobody has ever said that to me before!!!

So I'm definitely going where I want to get. This will encourage me to continue on this program, for sure!

2002-03-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

Weigh in day. Another 2 lbs. By next week I'll have hit my first Weight Watcher goal, which is to lose 10% of my body weight. I have to admit that feels pretty good, that I've stuck with it this long. Much easier to think in terms of short-term goals than long term ones.

I bought some WW drink mixes today, in cappuccino flavor. I'll finish the box--they were too expensive for me not to, but I don't think I'll be buying them again--at least not in this flavor. Not the best thing I've ever tasted in the world, though it is filling and will be my mid-morning snack for today.

2002-03-11T09:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a couple of days, I see. Friday afternoon, I discovered how much exercise is helping me. In the afternoon, I decided to go for a walk. I walked about 2-1/2 miles in 40 minutes, which included a 5 minute stop. I wasn't winded and didn't break stride at all. Of course my feet were killing me the next day (the tops of my feet, which I don't understand). But I did it and I felt very good about it.

Sunday we went to brunch and when faced with lots of food, I managed to stay on program, and felt very good about that as well.

This morning my feet were still painful when I went to the club, but I went to the club. I started out at a fast clip on the treadmill, but decided I had to go slower, so slowed down. However, as I walked, the feet began to feel better, so I upped the speed again. I did most of the 20 minutes at 3 mph, my fastest speed to date. I was smiling to myself when I left, remembering how daring I felt when I upped the speed on it to 1.8 the first time. I've come a long way, baby.

Today I discovered that I have a WW aerobics tape which was sent to me when I tried doing the WW at Home program years ago. Still with the shrink-wrapping on it. I opened it and tried it out. I could only do a couple of minutes. Body movement and I are strangers to each other and this gal goes at quite a fast clip, but I think that tomorrow I'm going to set a timer and see how far I can go and see if I can increase the time each day, the same as I'm increasing my time at the club. I won't be able to do this every day, but can certainly do it on the days when I begin work in the afternoon. (I'm definitely not wanting this to be a spectator sport, so I will only do it when I'm sure I'm home alone.)

2002-03-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

Pepper humus is becoming my new obsession. I replenished the supply yesterday. I had a humus taco for lunch yesterday (humus with tomatoes, onion and 1/4 c nonfat cottage cheese, on a tortilla, folded over, and run under the broiler until the top browns). Today I had 5 water crackers had 1/4 cup of humus for a mid-morning snack (3 points). I've never really gotten into humus before, but anything that tastes like chipotle peppers can't be all bad.

I seem to have gotten through the munchies and am back eating normally again, of which I am very glad--also glad I didn't fall off the wagon by giving in and eating all the bad stuff.

2002-03-07T04:26:00.000-08:00

Pizza. Fantastic pizza. I made a fantastic pizza last night--and I was stuffed after I had that with a salad. I took a pita bread and spit it in half. Put 1/4 cup of spaghetti sauce on each half, topped with sliced onions, mushrooms and red bell peppers. Then I put 3/4 oz of mozarella cheese on top of each half and baked at 375 for 15 minutes. By the time I finished eating both of those pizzas (4 points for the two combined), I had eaten more pizza than I would have eaten in a pizza parlor--and I was just as satisfied. Plus I got dessert (blueberries with Cool Whip)

It's possible to be on this eating plan and not feel "deprived" at all!

2002-03-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a lot to say about today and what I"m learning, but I ended up writing it in regular journal instead.

2002-03-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

Another 2.6 lbs gone. Total 28.4 lbs gone. I'm just a couple of pounds from the first WW goal, which is to lose 10% of my body weight. Then I'm supposed to meet with a counselor and decide what my goal weight will be.

I've decided my own immediate personal goal is to reach a point where I can walk without my feet and ankles hurting. I can walk 20 minutes on the treadmill just fine, but get me on concrete and it still hurts. I came home from the club and then walked to WW, rather than taking the car. While I wasn't hurting after the 20 min at the club, by the end of the first block, I was already in pain. It's just carrying too much weight (and next time I'll wear better shoes). But it's still frustrating. I guess that's why I don't enjoy "going for a walk" so much--it's the hurting feet.

I don't really like WW meetings, but I do hear good things there, and it's very important for me to BE there, whether I actually participate or not. The meetings and rigorous journaling, are what is keeping me mindful of this program until it becomes instinctive.

2002-03-03T17:39:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the first day when I've really had serious munchie problems. It was bound to happen sooner or later. It almost always happens when I have (a) boring work to do, and (b) no place else to go. I couldn't leafve the house because I had transcription to do, but the transcription was so boring that I would type a page and then run out to the kitchen looking for food (my old pattern). I haven't exactly had a wonderful food day, but I'm recoridng everything and I will not go over my point limit for the day. (Actually, I've been under on points every day this week, so I really could go whole hog--literally--and still stick with the week's point limit--but I won't).

The key to this success, I'm realizing--at least for me--is scrupulously keeping records. Putting down every single bite of food that I eat. It's a pain, sometimes, but there is nothing like looking at those numbers and calculating how many more points you have in a day that makes you reach for tomatoes rather than potato chips. (Yes, I shouldn't have potato chips in the house, but they're low fat Pringles--14=3 points [I'm getting real good at this point remembering thing!])

I WILL NOT SLIP BACK INTO THE OLD OVEREATING ROUTINE.

2002-03-01T04:31:00.000-08:00

I continue to amaze myself. My friend Olivia suggested that we get bikes and so biking together each Friday--and I said yes. I haven't been on a bike in at least 25 yrs. Other than the recumbant bike, of course. I'll be lucky if I can make it around the block! But maybe I'll get to where I can take an actual short bike trip somewhere.

2002-02-28T07:51:00.000-08:00

I discovered something wonderful: pepper flavored hummus. My word is that stuff good. And low points (2, I think, for 1/4 cup). I had half a pita bread filled with hummus and a bunch of pearl tomatoes on the side--it was more than enough for lunch!

For dinner last night we went out to a Mexican restaurant. I was very good. Only had two tortilla chips and gave the rest to Walt. I ordered a black bean burrito without cheese and whole beans, not refried. It came huge and I cut it in half before I started to eat it and wrapped half of it up. Then I ate the half I had left on the plate and it was just fine for a full meal. I didn't even eat when we came home.

I was surprised when I calculated points for the day and discovered I'd only eaten 17 (I should have at least 29). I guess today I'll have to eat more. How weird that sounds!

2002-02-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

Yes. Another 2.4 lbs. I wondered if I would lose, since two days this week were sort of guesswork, but I'm now at 25.2 lbs lost. Yes!

The secret is journaling. Writing down everything that passes your lips. Today I got craving for Pringles. I bought low fat ones and I know that 14 chips = 3 points. I dutifully counted out 14. But I really did want more, so I counted out 14 more. Now in previous attempts to lose weight, I would have, at this point, assumed I've blown the day and just gorged. But I didn't. I came home and recorded everything, figured out how many more points I had to the end of the day, and actually came in a couple of points under. It's not the sort of day I'd like to have every day, but when the munchies hit, if I record every bite, even if it's something bad for me, it should help me from beating myself over the head for wanting certain foods from time to time.

2002-02-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

This may be long-ish. It's the sort of thing I'd write in my regular journal, if my mother didn't read it. But she doesn't know about this one, so I'll write it here.

Let me start out by saying that I love my mother. She's a wonderful person, but she was raised in an era where hospitality meant food and drink. The second thing you hear when you enter her house, after "hello" is "what can I get you to drink?" And the third is "what would you like to eat with that?"

Tonight there was a family dinner for my birthday and Walt's birthday. We got there early, as requested, because she needed help with moving a heavy table. I could tell immediately that I was going to have difficulty staying on program. If there was ever any doubt about my being a compulsive overeater to the point of addiction, tonight erased all doubt.

On all the end tables were bowls of cashews. In the kitchen was a huge bag of potato chips, on the counter was a bowl with dipping sauce and there was a box of crackers. There were eight of us for dinner.

I sat there trying to have a conversation and I desperately wanted cashews. So I decided to let myself have some, but in a controlled manner, which meant taking out my WW book, checking the point, figuring how many I could have (7 for 2 points), taking exactly 7 and eating them slowly. That really did work as far as the cashews went (as soon as the bowls were half empty, she filled them up again).

Then came the dish of potato chips with dip, and the shrimp for the sauce, and crackers with crab (my favorite food in all the world) heaped on them.

Resolutely, I checked point value for everything before allowing myself to eat anything. Unfortunately I couldn't measure, so had to eyeball. I may have had more than 1/2 cup worth of shrimp, but not too much more. I had two crackers with crab before checking the point value for the cracker (4 points for ONE OUNCE!) I don't know how much 2 crackers weigh, but I counted it as 4 and stopped then and there. I don't know what the crab was mixed with, so I couldn't tell exactly how to count it. I decided to give myself a generous number of points (i.e., on what I thought was the high side) and decided I'd eaten 10 points worth of food. My mother kept saying "Now you all finish all that food, now. "

Dinner was pork loin, mashed potatoes (with lots of butter), green beans (ditto), and hot roles. I took the smallest piece of pork, one scoop of potatoes, and hoped that eating lots of beans would compensate for whatever butter was clinging to it. I passed on the rolls. When the table was being cleared, she asked "Are you sure you got enough to eat, Bev?" (she did not ask anybody else that question; you always ask the fat person if they've had enough to eat, even if your heart is in the right place and you are only trying to be hospitable.)

Then she brought dessert--one of those glazed fruit-on-custard torts. Probably a bazillion calories. And she gave me the knife to cut it. I passed out pieces to everyone and finally succumbed and cut a piece for myself (this definitely put me over on points for the day), but I only cut one teeny piece--not really a whole piece, just about 3" off of one corner--enough to get a taste. And I know I shouldn't have even had that much.

When we went to leave, she asked if I wanted to take THE OTHER HALF of the tort with me!!!! Me who shouldn't eat it and Walt who doesn't like desserts. To my credit, I said that I didn't want it.

She wasn't deliberately sabotaging my diet; she just can't help herself. She doesn't feel like a good hostess unless she's stuffing people full of food and drink. She was disappointed, for example, when she started putting out wine glasses and I pointed out that only three of us would be drinking wine, since I don't drink any more, two people are in AA and Walt's mother doesn't drink either.

But the "compulsive eating" part came with how I reacted to all of this. A friend, who is in his 4th year of alcohol recovery, told me recently that a "normal person" doesn't spend all his/her time thinking about booze or food. And I sure spent all evening thinking about all that food. Calculating what I could eat, trying to keep from eating too much, sitting there bothered because it was all just SITTING there and I wanted to eat it. Had to have it in my hands, in my mouth, and fighting the temptation to just throw caution to the wind for the evening.

When I had finished serving dessert, it just SAT there at my elbow and I so desperately wanted to have a normal piece like everyone else. I couldn't concentrate on the discussion at the table. I just was focused on NOT eating the dessert. I was successful. I didn't devour everything in sight (and didn't have a single Hershey's kiss, which was also out for people to help themselves), and I passed on the chocolate mints that made the rounds after people had finished the fruit thing.

As I said, I love my mother and I know she wants the best for me, but she just can't seem to realize that there's got to be a better way to be a good hostess than putting together all this stuff I shouldn't be eating...and, really, what the others shouldn't be eating either.

But, with a minor glitch of the dessert, and not having a way to measure portions (and probably thus going over a bit on them), I did OK. I may be over on points, but I feel good about having more self-restraint than I have had in the past.

2002-02-20T10:21:00.000-08:00

I was absolutely amazed to discover I'd lost 5.8 lbs last week. Since I was away over the weekend and not able to stick strictly with the program, I was sure it would either be a small loss or no loss at all, but no--5.8 lbs. That makes 22 all together. I went back and checked my journal of the last time I did this--at 12 weeks, I had lost 18 lbs and hadn't started exercising. I'm in week 7 of this program and have lost 22 lbs, haven't cheated really (except for possibly this weekend, when I tried to stay on program, but couldn't know how much the restaurant foods were), and am exercising every day. Plus, by this time last time I was starting to feel "deprived" and I don't feel that way at all t his time.

I discovered a wonderful thing this weekend: Splenda!!! This is a sugar substitute, made from sugar, which has zero calories and no aftertaste, like "the blue stuff" or "the pink stuff" do. I made a great "dessert" last night--1 cup of milk (I used 1%), 1 cup of frozen berries, 1 tsp of Splenda and whip all until it becomes the consistency of soft ice cream. I had intended to drink it like a milk shake, but when I got all the berries blended up, I discovered it was more like ice cream, so I ate it with a spoon. What's more, it was a delicious, sweet dessert without the empty calories like skinny cow or the graham cracker/Cool Whip sandwiches.

I've also started using Taco Bell cheese salsa, which is 1 point for 2 Tbsp. I make an omelette of 1 egg + 1 egg white and fill the omelette with sauteed mushrooms and onions (sauteed in a pan sprayed with butter flavored PAM), and then add the salsa with the veggies. It makes a wonderful breakfast and is only 4 points, which allows me to add some fruit to it as well. I've discovered that a 7 point breakfast seems to be what works best for me.

This just "feels" different this time around. I know I"m going to stick with it. And I think the exercise is a huge part of it. I never thought I'd say that.

2002-02-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

OK. I think I've learned some things. I am not at a place where I can have "snack" food around. I have not gone over my points any day, but I'm very, very unhappy with how I've been eating. So--time to clear out even the "legal" treats. I was doing very well at the start of this life change until I started adding in the treats that everybody talks about, discovering that whipped topping really is good, that low-fat Pringles are good, that skinny cow is good. All of those sorts of things make me want to eat more and when I put them aside, they call out to me and I end up eating them. As I said, all within the points, but not the kind of food I want to get used to using as treats. So...no more skinny cow, no more home-made "ice cream" sandwiches, no more low fat substitute for high fat treats. Let me just deal with the basic food groups until I really have this eating routine down and can very gradually start adding back other foods. The way I've been eating the last two days is the way it started when I went off this program last time and I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT THIS TIME.

2002-02-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

I didn't want to go to the club this morning. Walt was out of town, I finished the work I got up at 4 a.m. to do by 5:30 and I decided to sleep another 30 minutes. When the alarm went off I really debated about going or not going. Who would know? I could sleep another hour. But I would know, so I got dressed and went off to the club after all. I felt very good about it. I upped the bike to 8 minutes--after only one day at 7 min. Didn't do the UBE machine because it was being used when I had finished everything else. That didn't break my heart. But I came home feeling virtuous. I had conquered that desire to go back to sleep and had done my workout after all.

2002-02-12T16:14:00.000-08:00

YES! 3.6 lbs this week. Total of 17. I feel SO much better than I did last week!

2002-02-12T07:28:00.000-08:00

I had an "a-ha!" moment today. I've been struggling with the issue of eating junk diet foods--things like skinny cow, and graham crackers with whipped topping or a number of other "legal" foods, but with empty calories. I realized that for a lot of people this is a diet. If you're on a diet, your goal is to lose weight, and you help yourself lose weight however you can. However, for me it is a lifestyle change and by eating low fat potato chips, a bowl of popcorn, faux ice cream, etc., what I'm doing is just continuing the unhealthy behavior with "legal" foods. That doesn't teach me anything. That will help me lose weight, yes, but it still won't help me learn to prefer better foods over empty calories. That will be my goal in the next few weeks--begin cutting down on all those "substitute bad foods" and finding "good foods" that I like and which I will consider a treat. (it probably won't be carrots. :) )

2002-02-10T01:51:00.000-08:00

I created two new pages today, which I am not publishing (yet) in my regular journal, but they are:

1- My Weight Chart
2- MyPhotosl

I hope to keep the weight chart up to date after each weigh-in (and once a month or so for the photos)

Today was a weird day, food-wise, because we ate out for two meals--pizza at Ned & Marta's (I had two small pieces of veggie pizza), and then a dinner in Mel's Diner, where they fry everything, I swear. I think I still came in within points range, but I'll be glad to be home all day tomorrow where I can be in control.

I was very surprised when I woke up this morning and was actually disappointed that I wasn't going to the club. My word!

2002-02-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is dieting? For breakfast this morning I had an omelette made from 1 egg and 1 egg white, Taco Bell cheese salsa (1 point per Tbsp), and mushrooms "fried" in PAM. And then I also had a 2 point cranberry muffin, made from a Krusteaz no-fat mix. This is a heck of a lot better than my standard 2 pieces of toast!

I also did 45 min non-stop at the club this morning. I've upped time on the recumbant bike to 6 minutes and that's comfortable enough that I'll probably up it to 7 min next week. I did 20 min on the treadmill, but increased the speed to 2.4 and the incline to 5%. And I've been doing 40 lbs on the leg press, but upped that to 50 today. That's about the max I should do at the moment--first time I've really felt it in my knees. But by God I'm DOING this stuff! And I'm feeling good about it, which is the most amazing thing.

2002-02-06T11:51:00.000-08:00

Well, it was a little disappointing to only lose 0.4 lbs this week, but the most important thing is staying on program no matter what. And exercising every day. I'm already seeing changes. I can fit behind the steering wheel of the car without moving the seat. Things which didn't button comfortably 2 weeks ago are buttoning. My pants feel loose--not loose enough to discard, but loose enough to notice. Things I couldn't wear before, are starting to fit. Whether I'm actually dropping pounds, something is happening and that's very nice.

2002-02-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

I am SO pleased with myself. I have spent two days eating in restaurants and at a wedding reception and I STAYED ON PROGRAM!!!!! The first night I think I ate all of my points and the exercise points I'd earned that day, when we went to a restaurant that had no menu, but just take what you get. But I didn't go over, which is the main thing. Today we went to a "stuff your face buffet" for a wedding, and I still managed to eat reasonably.

At the wedding, someone took a group picture with me in it (a polaroid) and I didn't hate it. I'm no twiggy, but I'm not a blimp either. It feels good.

2002-01-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

Nothing to report, really, but given my "reluctance" to go to the club yesterday, I decided I'd better write something so people wouldn't think I'd given up. Yes, I was there at 6 a.m. this morning. Only 2 of us there most of the time. 6 min on the recumbant bike (I'm about ready to go to 7, I think), 25 on the treadmill at another speed up, and then more reps on all the weight bearing machines. It's getting easier. Time to add some more machines and move the workout up to an hour.

I'll be there tomorrow to finish out the week, but we'll be away over the weekend, so I'll take Sat. and Sun. off. Eating continues to be in control. Nearly a month now!

2002-01-30T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that it was a little hard to get out to the club this morning. I was up until 1:30 writing a review that had to be at the newspaper first thing in the morning, so I really wanted to sleep till about 6:15, when I'd have to get up to get coffee started, but instead I did get up at 5:30 and was at the club before it opened, actually (the person in charge was late arriving). Did 5 min. longer on the treadmill at a faster speed, and pretty much everything else the same. I can feel my abdominal muscles being worked. I think I still would rather not have gone today, but I'm glad that I did. I'm as determined to stick with this as I am determined to stick with WW.

2002-01-29T17:30:00.000-08:00

4.6 lbs! That's the best loss yet. I don't know if it's because of Wendis or because of exercise or just because I've been so faithful to this eating plan. Whatever--I've now lost 13 pounds at least (I don't have a "before" weigh in, since I was on the plan a week before I joined WW. I also worked out at the club for 45 minutes and then came home and walked the 1/2 mile to the meeting and home again.

I don't recognize myself! (how I"m behaving--it's not that I've changed that much physically, of course!)

2002-01-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

Did 45 minutes at the club this morning. I may feel this workout more than last time. I upped the time on the treadmill from 5 min to 15 (the max allowed in that club), I raised the weights on the weight-bearing machines from 1 to 2 or 3 (depending on the machine). I tried to make 6 min on the recumbant bike, but pooped out after 5, though the machine for upper body exercise wasn't quite as bad as last time. I really enjoyed myself. Some people groan at getting out of bed at 6 to go to the club, but since (a) I don't sleep in bed, and (b) I get up at 4 to work, it's no big sacrifice for me--and I got to see it snow because I was up so early. I went for a higher point breakfast this morning--scrambled egg, yogurt, muffin and butter. It would also have been Paul's birthday today, so I'm going to have sushi for lunch.

2002-01-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

Well, hmmm....maybe the Wendis plan isn't so good after all. Lots of negative comment about it on Boot Camp Buddies and today on the "very low points" day I had a difficult time. First day I've really had bad food cravings. I finally decided "screw it!" I was way below points anyway, so I ate something that filled me up. I ended the day at 23 points, which is still about 10 points below my medium range, but it wasn't as "very low" as I had hoped. But I think that since I'm still so new and not having problems on a "plateau" I'll just stick with the regular program. Why screw things up before I've gotten into it?

I did have a really good soup again for lunch, tho--more chicken broth with vegetables (cauliflower, carrots, and yellow pepper) in it, and then pureed. That with the rest of the cole slaw from yesterday. It definitely filled me up for awhile. And all for 2 points.

I also discovered herbal tea. I had a nice cup of raspberry tea in my lovely emu cup (Christmas present from Australia) and it was a very civilized break this afternoon.

Tomorrow morning--back to the club!

2002-01-26T08:37:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying the Wendis plan. It makes good sense to me and uses those banked points intelligently. I'm in the 31-35 point range and I'm having a hard time eating enough, as I said a couple of days ago. Someone gave me the advice that instead of adding junk foods, like Skinny Cow and popcorn, that I do things like use real butter on bread, use regular salad dressing rather than low fat. Substitute point-counting veggies like peas and corn for non-point-counting veggies. Those were very good suggestions because what I really want to do is to develop good eating habits, not just lose weight.

And on the Wendis plan, you have low point days and high point days. Yesterday was a low point day and I ate 20 points worth. That means banking 10 points. Today is a "very high" points day so I started the day with a cheese omelet (1 egg + 1 egg yolk, 3/4 oz regular cheddar cheese cooked in a non-stick pan sprayed with PAM), a low-fat muffin I made last week (Krusteaz, 2 pt each muffin. I made a box worth and then froze them) with real butter, the first time I've had butter in 3 weeks, and then an orange. It was a huge breakfast for me, but only 7 points (my usual breakfast is 4).

I'll have a similar rest of the day, choosing higher point foods, while still remaining within the points range. Then tomorrow will be another low day. I can do that easily.

I'll be curious to see what happens with my next weigh-in, though I'm still at the point where weigh-ins are not a problem for me. Moving to the Wendis plan and adding exercise will definitely affect me, whether that results in weight dropped or just inches starting to shift. The important thing is sticking with it.

2002-01-25T20:12:00.000-08:00

I did it! I did it! I did it! I joined the health club. And I even almost sorta liked it. I'm very proud of me. You can read about it here. I"m planning on going 5 days a week, taking weekends off. I am feeling so good about myself today! And the eating is going just great. Absolutely no problem, no temptations, no nada.

2002-01-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I never thought I'd be having this problem on a diet: eating enough. My level right now is 30-35 points and I'm averaging 22-25. They say you should eat at least the low end of your points range. Today I'm working to eat more. It's easy to add some "treat" thing, but I'm trying to fix larger meals today that use better foods than Skinny Cow (in fact, I'm not buying Skinny Cow this week).

I'm doing something else I absolutely can't believe. Someone suggested I join a group that goes to a health club at 6:30 every morning. Me? At a HEALTH CLUB? I'm seriously thinking about it...I'm going to call about it today. I just can't believe I'm actually thinking about this. The most energetic thing I've done in the last 50 years is walk upstairs, and then only when I can't find an elevator.

ME? At a HEALTH CLUB?????

2002-01-23T06:40:00.000-08:00

Second weigh-in yesterday. Lost another 4 lbs. 8.4 total right now (and I was disappointed when they forgot to give me my star bookmark, even though I was dreading the spotlight!). It's working well. I'm feeling good. Yesterday afternoon I had a bad case of the munchies and instead of eating something, I heated up a cup of fat-free chicken broth and drank that. It got me over the hump. I also checked out The Wendis Plan which makes a heck of a lot of sense to me. I'm not having trouble losing on the WW diet right now, but this way of manipulating the diet really sounds reasonable and I may try it and see if it makes a difference, even when I'm still in the "losing good" stage.

2002-01-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm proud of myself. I went to a buffet and stayed on my diet. Last night I went to watch the running of the Olympic torch (report will be here when it get it posted). Afterwards there was a reception with tons of food--mostly desserts, but some hors d'oeuvres as well. I ate veggies, 2 small pieces of cheese, 3 shrimp, and 1 oz of sliced turkey. I didn't touch a cookie, and the best thing was I wasn't tempted to!!! I stepped away from the table and didn't even think about going back. It was a very proud evening!

2002-01-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

I am SO full. I just had the largest 1-point lunch. I made soup, with some f/f chicken stock, canned tomatoes, and then added about 1/4 onion, sliced, 1 zucchini sliced, a handful of frozen green beans, and about half a coup of kidney beans. Simmered it all til the veggies were soft and it made two very large bowls of soup. I was going to have yogurt for dessert, but I'm too full, so will save that for afternoon snack.

2002-01-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

For me, there are very predictable stages in a diet. (Excuse me--"eating plan") Especially in the early days. At first there's the "adjusting to the diet" phase. Then there's the "this isn't so bad, I can do this phase," and then there is the phase I'm entering now which is realization that all you think about all day long is food. When you have your snack, what you can eat within points, how many points you've eaten that day, how many you have left to go, what new recipe you're going to try, what you'll get when you go to the store, etc., etc. Sometimes this phase lasts a long time. My immediate goal is to get through this phase and into when eating just becomes routine and when keeping track of points is no big deal and when I am not so fixated on food. It's not that the diet is difficut at all. It's just that as I got my 10 a.m. snack (an orange), I realized that I'd been watching the clock until 10 a.m. I try not to eat between breakfast and 10 a.m. And hopefully once I reach that "no big deal" phase, I can stick with it and never get to the "the hell with it, pass the hot fudge" stage.

2002-01-18T10:43:00.000-08:00

The thing you should do first, when starting a new eating program, designed to lose weight (other than checking with your doctor, of course) is to check the clothes you've outgrown. Faced with an upcoming trip to Rochester, I'm looking for warm clothes. I've pretty much been wearing the same half dozen things for...perhaps years. I went looking for where my sweatshirts and sweaters are and found a closet full of clothes I'd forgotten. So now I have a goal--how soon I can fit into some of those things. (A wonderful warm coat I found in there, but ain't no way--if I were going to Rochester NEXT year, I could wear it!)

But today I'm wearing something I probably haven't worn in a year. Now, I know that you don't drop a size with 4-1/2 lbs, but I *feel* lighter. In fact, I feel like I'm moving better. It's a psychological thing at this point, but it's a good feeling.

2002-01-17T21:54:00.000-08:00

Made it thru the retirement dinner. I had ordered salmon, which I figured was lower in calories than duck or roast beef (the 3 choices). Salad was swimming in salad dressing. I ate all the non-touched pieces of lettuce and left the piece swimming in dressing. The salmon piece was huge and I ate half of it. I left the wild rice and ate all the veggies (and part of Walt's--he doesn't like onions). I had half a piece of French bread without butter. And then I had dessert. Mud pie. I ate all of it. Chocolate. An ice-creamy- thing, and whipped cream. I took the smallest piece. And then I came home and checked the recipe on the Internet. Turns out there are many varieties, and I took the highest calorie one. I calculated the points. 7 points for a tiny piece. I banked 10 points yesterday, and I had at least that left over for today. So I stayed on program and even have points left over. This is a terrific diet and I feel very much in control--I even knew when I ate the mud pie that I had enough points to cover it. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have eaten it. I was that much in control. A very good feeling.

2002-01-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

I'm watching Oprah's show. "What it's like to be fat." The very first segment (which I'm still watching) caused me to run here to post this. The first woman (330 lbs) is reminiscing on being on diets all her life and the messages her mother sent. I could never write this in my other journal. Fortunately she doesn't web surf. One of my earliest memories that is so very clear in my mind is when I was about 7 and I absolutely loved ballet. I wanted to take ballet lessons and told my mother. Her answer? "They won't let you in the class. You're too fat." How do you say that to a 7 year old??? "You're too fat"?? How did I get too fat at age 7? I'm from the "a cookie will make it better" school of parenting. And food has always been "the" big thing in our family. Even today, when you go to visit my mother (whom I love very much and who is really a wonderful woman) the first words out of her mouth are "what can I get you to eat/drink?" So much emphasis was placed on special event foods. Dessert every night. Cookies when you came home from school. That sort of thing is wonderful, but it also contributed to making me, at age 7, be the kid who was too fat for ballet.

I was on my first diet at age 10. I've been on diets for nearly 50 years. That's why this is not a diet. This is the way I want to learn how to live my life from now on.

2002-01-17T14:37:00.000-08:00

It was such a busy day at the office that I didn't even think about food (not even my allotted 10 pretzels each day). When I left, it was 1:30 and I was amazed that I wasn't frantic for food. I came home and fixed lunch and am way under on points foro the day, which is good because we're going to a retirement dinner tonight.

2002-01-17T05:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the most stressful day I've had in a very long time. I came home from work, sat in the car and just screamed. BUT...I did not rush to food. I stayed on plan and even banked points at the end of the day. I'm very proud of myself.

2002-01-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

Terrific breakfast this morning. I bought Krusteaz low-fat cranberry muffins. Each muffin is 2 pts, so I had two of them and a glass of milk for breakfast. Very yummy. Lunch is going to be a bit more tricky since I have to go out to lunch with Dr. G and what I have to eat is almost exclusively governed by what they are serving. (Also tricky to calculate points). And tomorrow night same thing--retirement dinner. I chose salmon, figuring it was fewer points than the alternatives, but I won't know till I see it how worried I need to be.

I decided to add a photo to this (not the best quality, I fear--I may change it later). It will allow me some opportunity to chart progress.

2002-01-15T22:28:00.000-08:00

4-1/2 lbs! I'm off to a good start. This week has been very easy, especially since I don't really CARE about the weight loss. The weigh-in is just out of curiosity.

Today I discovered Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. 2 points each. Oh. My. God. They are delicious. I also learned at the meeting today that Hagen Daas sorbet bars are only 1 point each--they say you can eat an entire box. Of course that's substituting one problem eating for another. My purpose here is to learn healthy eating--not gorging on frivolous food because I CAN.

2002-01-14T21:45:00.000-08:00

God what a day. So busy. From start to finish. I worked 7 hrs without a break. Fortunately I'd remembered to bring food. I had half a peanut butter and jelly (well, "fruit spread") sandwich, carrots, lots and lots of pearl tomatoes, pretzels and a banana and that got me through the afternoon. I got home at 7:30 and had to cook dinner. Walt offered to help, but I still need to know the points before I eat anything, so I cooked something from the WW cookbook (tasty little thing) and now I have tapes to transcribe for three different people. I THINK I"m under on points for the day, but don't even have time to add them all up. Fortunately I'm too full to even think about nibbling on anything. I sure hope tomorrow isn't this busy.

2002-01-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

Day #6 starts. Dinner last night was chicken, rice, salad, and green beans, with a banana for later. I banked 1 point at the end of the day. This is so easy. I know there comes a day when you go nuts--just GOTTA have that "thing" (whatever it is), but so far enthusiasm is holding strong. I've started reading the 100+ board on the WW community site and that is helpful--both encouragement and good meal ideas. Breakfast today bran flakes with thawed frozen strawberries, and a cup of milk.

Still haven't started any "exercise" though.

2002-01-13T16:05:00.000-08:00

Snack: grapes
Lunch: 1 can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup, with zucchini added
Snack: Happy Time 95% f/f popcorn

I think all that comes to about 5 points. And I'm definitely stuffed! The Happy Time tastes just like "normal" popcorn. While I love popcorn that is dripping with butter, I don't often make it that way because, well, it's a "fat lady" thing to do and doing it would admit I'm a fat lady (how we delude ourselves!). So I'm used to it "dry" and this tastes darn good!

2002-01-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

A friend is going to join me in this diet as well. I'm going to send her some WW materials so we can do this together and be a support for each other.

I was copying out a recipe from the book to e-mail to her, to hold her until the materials get there. It's for a zero-points soup, which sounds delicious (so delicious, in fact, that I"m going to fix it for myself for lunch today). I began to tell her about foods that I want to try (no-fat microwave popcorn, "No-Pudge" brownies, etc.) and as I typed, realized just how much really good, tasty stuff there is out there.

Then I thought about how I've been eating lately. I've been DELIBERATELY eating bad foods. Given a huge shelf of low-fat things, I will actually SEARCH for high-fat things. It's like I've been on a self-destructive course for months, years. Now, even in this first week, I'm remembering that it's possible to have flavorful food--sometimes even better-tasting food--and you don't have to risk your health to do it. The choices are endless. Man does not live by chocolate alone.

So today's breakfast was half a cup of grapenuts with a sliced banana on top and half a cup of skim milk. Lunch will be the soup, and then since Walt is going to be at the opera tonight, I'll just have leftovers from the chicken last night (which was very tasty, BTW. I even allowed myself to leave the skin on a drumstick. I had so many points left over for the day and the fat had the real citrus-y flavor, so I had that, and still ended up banking points at the end of the day.

2002-01-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

Should have gone for a walk today, but instead I went in to work and cleaned the office (I guess that's good exercise too). Dinner smells delicious. I took someone's suggestion and stuffed a chicken cavity with orange and lemon slices and then roasted the chicken, basting it with a combination of orange juice and chicken broth. It's almost ready and I'm STARVING. But I haven't "picked." Good me.

2002-01-12T14:17:00.000-08:00

For lunch, I had my favorite burrito. A chop up 1/4 each of red and yellow peppers, and a lot of onions. "Fry" the whole thing in a non-stick pan sprayed with PAM and when it's all soft, heat a flour tortilla, put a deli thin slice of swiss cheese on it, top with the hot veggies and there you have a very filling lunch, with lots of veggies and it's only 4 points. Drink a huge glass of water or milk with it, and you're set for the afternoon.

2002-01-12T14:15:00.000-08:00

Well, that seemed to work. I was able to log back in again and have the blog still be here, and I was able to change the template back to the original, so let's forge ahead.

Dieting is about food, so let's talk about food. I can already tell I'm feeling better for starting this diet. For one thing I haven't touched butter in 3 days. Bready things with lots of butter has always been my downfall. I've been known to go through half a pound of butter in a day. By myself. Bread. Pancakes. Anything I can put butter on. But I haven't had so much as a tsp in 3 days and I don't miss it.

I don't eat sweet stuff so much, meaning I don't crave it. If it's around I will certainly overindulgs. This body was not built for "moderation."

But the WW point system makes it easy. It's psychologically great knowing that NOTHING is forbidden, as long as you stay within your points range. I remember when I did this before that I would go to great lengths to save enough points to have a bite of chocolate or something. But the psychology works when you realize that you could have one bite of candy or a bowl of something else, and you soon start making better choices.

This morning, for example, the place where I was staying had no food (other than roasted peanuts, and I knew I couldn't eat just one and that I had to get out of there quickly). I was in a hurry to make the long drive home and so fast food was the logical answer. McDonald's is across the street and my very favorite breakfast is a McD's sausage biscuit. But I knew that wasn't a very good idea. However, I took out my fast food guide, found out that an egg McMuffin could easily be fit into the points for the day, so I had that with OJ. I didn't feel deprived, I had a good breakfast, and I'm within my points for the rest of the day.

Now if only I can stick with this for awhile.

2002-01-12T14:06:00.000-08:00

I think I hate blogger. This is about the 10th time I've added this and if it doesn't add this time, I give up. I created a blog earlier and it posted just fine, but when I went back to edit, it didn't recognize that I'd created a blog and I had to start over again. When I was offered the option of templates, the one I had originally chosen was no longer there. I don't understand this thing! But I'm not going to waste time on it now. I had a long thing written about food, but it will wait until I know for sure that this is going to STAY.

2002-01-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

OK. Here goes. As it says on the left there, I have another journal and I don't want to clog that journal with random thoughts throughout the day about this diet I'm on. So I've started a blog. I don't know that I"m even going to link it off the other journal. I think that for now, I'll just keep it for me. And whoever stumbles across it.

I've done diets forever and each time I say "this time I'm serious." I'm saying it again now. I have a lot of weight to lose--over 100 lbs. Some day I might be brave enough to post photos and my real weight here. For now, let me just say that I have taken the first step and have joined Weight Watchers. This is day #3 and so far so good.

I did go to a Chinese restaurant for dinner last night and probably was a bit over on points, but I'm so under on points for the other two days, I think it's still ok.

The thing is, I'm not in this to lose WEIGHT. I'm in it to feel better, be able to move without feeling sore all the time. If I lose 15 lbs or 50 lbs or 100 lbs it matters not. I just want to be more healthy.